The rage I've been feeling

To say I’ve been feeling a fair bit of rage since the overturning of Roe v. Wade is probably an understatement.

The Supreme Court ruling happened on Friday, June 24th….the start of my vacation. The next day I was leaving to see some of my dearest friends for a huge birthday bash, then I was off to Chicago, and some time at Lake Michigan.

I was supposed to be feeling all the good vacation vibes, not the incredible loss and rage I was currently feeling.

So I stuffed it down.

I told myself I could feel it later.

But of course, the topic came up at the party and I found myself getting wound up again. So I shut down the conversation because I didn’t want to feel like screaming my head off during a time when everyone was supposed to be having fun.

But over the next 4-5 days, my mind kept drifting back to the Supreme Court decision. And every time I felt the rage bubbling up. And every time I stuffed it back down.

Finally, Matt brought up the topic on our drive home and I just started to bawl.

He was worried I was feeling defeated and giving up, but that wasn’t it.

I was just feeling SO MUCH and I had been stuffing it down for days, that the crying was just an outlet for my emotions.

I had to let it out before I could even begin to have a conversation about what action I wanted to take.

That’s the thing with negative emotions…they don’t just go away because you don’t address them.

They fester.

They sit in your subconscious and whisper in your ear - even when you’re determined not to listen.

The only way to let go of the undesired emotion is to be willing to feel it.

You have to acknowledge it, then sit with it.

Not forever, not even for 30 minutes. Just for a few minutes at a time. For as long as you need.

Feeling your emotions isn’t something most of us get taught. In fact, we’re often taught the opposite: to distract ourselves with something else. Do something else, anything else, to avoid feeling stress, anger, frustration, etc.

So many of us turn to food, work, social media, gambling, alcohol, etc to numb the discomfort.

But the thing about distraction is that it never solves the problem. Sure, it provides temporary relief, but it creates additional long-term pain.

So I invite you to lean into the discomfort this week.

Start small.

And know that if you’re feeling all the feelings about this world we’re living in right now, I am too.