My 3rd boyfriend and the nachos

I’m a foodie.

Give me a great puttanesca and perfectly matched glass of wine and I’m in heaven!

I was in NYC…a foodie’s paradise….a couple of weekends ago and found myself in a familiar (but not desired) situation. I was eating and drinking not just because I love great food, but because I’m also a people pleaser.

I love to make people happy and it seems like the area I have the least boundaries around are food and alcohol. Maybe because I show my love thru food? (Don’t even think I’m not gonna bake you dessert on your birthday!) Maybe because I easily succumb to guilt? Who knows?

But as I was watching myself say yes to gourmet tacos and spicy pineapple margaritas when I wasn’t even super hungry, it reminded me of so many times before when I would say yes to food that I never even wanted if it made the person I was with feel good.

I went from my heaviest weight to my leanest weight and gained almost all the weight back dating my 3rd boyfriend. He got off work late and would bring home a huge plate of super nachos. And he and I would literally sit in bed and eat nachos! Was I hungry? Usually not, but it felt like “bonding,” so I did it.

I was also the friend that you could count on to say yes to late-night bar food. Not because I was hungry but because my friend wanted to eat. And I always seemed to have the kind of girlfriends that wouldn’t order the food or drinks they wanted unless someone else was joining in. So in order to make them happy, I would say yes.

Eat because someone brought food into the office? Yep.

Eat because you made me something special? Of course.

Eat because it’s a party and a party means food? You can count on me.

It’s a cycle. And it can be hard to get out of. Because ultimately, as humans, we’re designed to be people pleasers. We’re designed to want the approval of others because it’s how we stayed part of a tribe. How we didn’t die.

But if you want to get out of “habit eating” or eating “just because”, it helps to start paying attention to the times you eat when it’s not out of hunger. Don’t judge the behavior, just notice!

Does it happen certain times of day? Around certain people? When certain emotions/feelings come up? If the food is free?

Once you notice some of your patterns, don’t ask yourself why you do it. It doesn’t matter and it won’t help you solve the problem! Instead, ask yourself how you might handle the situation differently?

And then try out the new solution for a week or two. See how it goes. If it doesn't work how you planned, try a new solution.

And if you need help finding solutions, consider coaching with me. I help women create healthy relationships with food! (You can schedule a free consult with me here.)